3

so who are you? what have you done? you make a new part of me arise. something i hardly knew and could bring to my demise. you bring misconceptions to mind and burn a new meaning into my brain. i practically feel completely and obliviously insane. i want that, then i suddenly want this. when i'm with you i feel complete bliss. when i'm with him i feel complication that i quickly dismiss. what's so great about you anyways? i feel like i'm in a complete daze. maybe i'm stuck in a summer haze. either way, you catch my eye and my soul. i don't think i can unravel my true self yet, for i don't know what it reveals. who actually knows what i feel? she does, and she's all i need. looks like i'm trapped inside a triangle of three.

september

it seems to be over much too soon. it seems like a week ago we were together in that room. it seems like a day ago she was here and everything was perfectly charming and full of excitement. it seems like a minute ago i was dipping my feet in the kelp-filled water of the Pacific Ocean and drowning myself in foreign liquids. it seems like one second ago i was walking out the door of the jail i'm captivated in year-round. but tomorrow starts a new year. i will be put in jail once again, smirking at old faces, smiling at new faces, and looking away from certain ones i no longer want contact with. but it all seems so surreal. like my summer bliss was a dream. it was all too good to be over now or to even be real. i got everything i wanted this summer, except for one thing. but now that the new year comes and the scent of Autumn starts to fill my nostrils, i'm glad to get over that one little glitch. i'm happy to see that certain things that my brain used to wrap itself around happen to not make any matter in my life anymore. all my brain is wrapped around now is what awaits me in my future. and i love this scent i breathe in today. because it is a new month, a new season, a new September, and a new me.

dream vs reality

if this is reality then why does it feel so fake? i can see myself about to make some type of mistake, but i'm just going to say it like it is: i don't care. and it feels pretty great. i look off into the distance behind my closed lids as my mind plays tricks and i make decisions in my fantasies. i sit abandoned in the sauna-esque room and think. think way too much for a normal brain. what am i? who am i? what's going on? where are you? where were you when i needed you? these are the only thoughts, along with a consequential side of you and i in our past. our kisses, our hugs, our stupid laughs and tricks. they felt so good then. i wish they could feel that way again. this ramble is so much of my mind, but no where near all of it. words can never express all of my thoughts. i play out an unrealistic picture in my head but somehow, because it's thought about so much, it does seem real. at least for a moment. and i want to live in that moment forever. 

"i need you"

How many days will it take for you
To make up your mind and actually come through
Like a star waiting to be as big as the moon
I know I won't see it anyday soon
Going through obstacles like a soldier in war
How long can he shoot till he finally scores
Make it or break it, the sun will still shine
Sometimes all a person needs is time
The clock keep ticking and the hands still move
Please just tell me: "I need you."

the leopard and the antelope

 its spots play out in an organized pattern across its body. it moves at such a pace that the spots become a blur of brown and black. the antelope hides and disguises itself so that it isn't an easy catch, for if it was its life would soon be taken. the leopard waits, blending in ever so perfectly with the shrubs around him, until the antelope feels safe enough to exit its hiding spot. she does. and when the leopard captures her beautiful eyes blinded by fear, his hunger gets stronger. it chases, it attacks, it makes its precise yet immense moves towards the antelope. the leopard halts, it devours, and it bolts away. the leopards spots become a blur once more as he explodes into the distance at a faster pace, never being seen again. and the antelope is left a corpse on the dry ground to watch from the heavens, and never get her way again.

confliction

as i look back into the distance i traveled, i see that more and more starts to make sense to me. i travel back in time. watch you unwind, make a swift move. what you had done was so clear to me, then it became a blur i couldn't see. 

moving on, i shift and go along a new path. one exciting and full of music, harmony, sensibility. best of all, it was something new. it would have been easy for me to forget about you, but you had to make it hard to forget. i was trapped under what was hard to believe. something i couldn't get myself out of, a dream i couldn't wake up from. 

now the remnants lay in pieces in my mind, waiting to be puzzled together. i want to throw the pieces away, but if what was said was actually done only broken hearts would show. i'll never see one again. i'll always see the other. like a mirror; within the reflection i see both faces. mezmorizing their traits, i gasp. 

i need to live. and to live, i need to breath. don't fill the spaces in between.

let me breathe.